Am i gonna be like the tree hanging at mountain top,

Staying there just like tat,

or

Should i just let the leaves turn dry,

N let nature take it course

Confuse part 2!

Saturday was a wonderful nite for me, i did have fun, laughter n joy. after so many days, but when the nite come, everything is like back to normal. I keep asking myself some question n i find tat i could not ans but i m so confuse, i dunnoe wat the other party thinking, i nv get to no3. nvm. although i really wish to no3 but somehow there seem to be certain thing tat when a person dun wish to say, they will not tell u. so yeah, Pls tell me can? Nvm i dun think u will say till something happen ba. Kind of sianz, tml start sch le. project up n after tat NS here i come.. lolx.. i guess all of us received the letter le ba. Omg i cannot imagine i goin in so sooN!!! lolx.. My sching life gonna end like in a few month.. wah den i got more GAY buddy.. lolx. cool. I hate talkin to wall, the wall always dun reply 1.. Z_z Bottom up all the feeling will just make u worst n u will break down eventually. I m so confuse!!! can some 1 direct me? lolx..

Confuse?

Well well, there is just some many thing to i wanna say, but some how everything seem to be a blank when i wanna blog.. lolx.. Nah nvm i will just cut it short n sweet. My blog today will be a apologising for the thing tat i had done n hope u pple will forgive me.

Yeah, i will like to apologise for the bad behave tat i use to have in the pass, the lazyness in me, the proud in me, the attitude tat i gave pple, the words tat r so hurtful to pple tat it sound like a joke to u n me, the kind of treatment i give pple etc. there is just too many tat i forgotten. I learn to understand thing differently now, maybe u will say *r u okie? r u sure not? u sound weird today*, well wat i can say is tat i feel it for myself ba, i seen to wan a diff kind of thing in my life, the kind of feeling like a new born kid. Yeah. As i say it will be a short 1, so Thanx pple for reading n Thanx for the forgiveness.

Father Forgets by W. Livingston Larned

Listen, son; I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a twoel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came Up the road, I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before you boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, form a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to your for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too muchof youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in yourcharacter. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself overthe wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you alugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing buy a boy - a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

I hope u guys learn something from this article. Tc. thanx for reading

What is Love?

Hmm can any1 tell me wat is love? does love ever exist? or should i put it, in another way..haha.. Is love 4ever? or maybe just a short term? or maybe it is just a nicer word to use? so many question, so many way of ans.. lolx.

Well, for me.. hmmm does love exist? i would say yes n no.. Why yeS? because starting of the relationship, u will tend to love 1 another, be sweet, nice, lovely, do alot of stupid thing for the sake of it. Yeah, n as time passes by, thing seem to be changing, is it love start to fade? hmmm no i guess, it is us, cause we r too used to the person living beside us, as in every action n behavior they do also affect us. We will like miss the person for a particular stuff tat they do. We r all human, emotion affect us when something bad happen to your partner. Suddenly the person whom u love, seem to be gone, the emotion affect wat ever u do, (slp, eat etc). Den when such a thing happen, ask yourself this question ( Do i still love her, or does she still love me?), is there any more love in us? hmmm.. as for me (depend on the girl, not all the girls), it is like losing a life time partner, a partner tat i feel comfortable with, able to talk 2, share emo, able to tolerate me, able to bring smile, tears and even make me piss off. Not every1 is able to do so, u really need those kind of feeling n telepathy tat both of u have. Got into 7 relationship, all of it seem to be the same, yeah, kind of u no3, startin was sweet den end up with nothing in the end. yeah did learn stuff from it n every failure is a learning stuff to me. N yesh, why i say love does not exist because maybe u just need a person to be there for u ba, till old. lolx sound abit lame la, but look around u den u will no3. I happen to saw 1 old grandpa n grandma still holding hand together, they look like 70plus. So loving rite?

So what do we wan? I dunnoe, diff pple got diff thinking n some may not even agree with wat i say. well, there is no right there is no wrong in all this kind of thing. My uncle once told me this ( i m rich, i can simply just hook 1 girl now, but NO, it is the responsibilty tat i have, i m married n have a child, u need to be responsible in every action u do. God give us blessing) . After hearing it, it just make me flash back of my childhood memories ba. So many thing happen when i was young, just because he has not responsible for wat he is doing. haiz.. dunnoe how is he living, how his life n health, hopefully nothing wrong with him, mayb God bless him.

I happen to bump into 1 old frenz(No name to be said), n the life the person is living now seem miserable, wat every the person is doing, the person seem to be praying for miracle. Dunnoe wat wrong with it, properly the person is just living in the shadow of the past ba, wat the person is doing is just drinking everyday, dun drink water n nv had a proper meal. I dunnoe how to help, or maybe i should just leave it alone. I feel it is part of my fault for the person to become like tat, maybe the inpact is just too big, everything seem to be screwed up. I got no comments. Hope u r okie, hope u r fine, Pls be back like wat u use to be.. Tc denz

Just Feel U

Had a dream of u yesterday nite

Love Chubby Chubby

Miss Chubby

Happy Birthday Rachel. =)

Yeah, it her bday today. 17 sep, a day to remember..for me la..lolx.. Oh yeah, yesterday did went out with her to celebrate with her, as i promised. Nothing much to talk about us..hee.. Oh, the last time i blog was like thursday.lolx.. did not no3 time fly so fast, hahaa. Yeah.. Haiz. i have heard so much sad story around cycle of my frenz, so many thing happening to them, yet all of them r just waiting for an ans. Wat can i say? how can i help them? Being in the same shoes as them, i only can advice them here n there, the end of the day, they themselves have to pull it thru. Look on the bright side of life, Be positive in life, dun keep telling yourself ( I cannot la), NO, u must tell yourself (YES i can, I will do it, i will make it), even if it fail... SO wat? At least u no3 u try, u no3 u done your best, at least u have no regret at all, WAKE UP from the failure tat just bring u down. Learn thing, learn from your mistake, learn y u fail? did u do something wrong this time? U cannot change people in life, u can nv, no point changing people u love in life, they r wat they r, U yourself can only change yourself, change yourself to a better person.

Being single for 2 week, i did change my lifestyle, the tot of comin online just make me feel as a waste of time? not really true la, i just wanna on my com n listen some music n chat abit here n there, u may ask ( how about gaming?), tat for question, i dun game as much as i do last time, there seem to be more thing i can do other den just sitting infront of the com n game, without learning anything at the end of the day. I really wish to learn at least 1 thing a day, no matter wat it is la. Talk to people who r older den u, higher post den u, u can learn alot of thing from them, apart from the proud tone they have la. suddenly i feel time seem to be running out. lolx, so many thing to learn. Headache!!!

About Relationship, wat can i say? At this age now, for those who dun have a relationship, well it is better for u to try, really. Learn thing from there, it does not mean who ever u go with now will be your lifetime partner, it may be also. For those who just broke up, look on the bright side, think y your relationship does not work out n improve on it on the next time, some break up may be a good "slap" ( not very nice to put such a word in it) or a wake up idea for yourself, yeah. Some time it may not be the right time for u n her to be together, u guys may even be together in the future. Dun just because of the relationship affect u with your life, Your mind is the 1 controling everything, there4 your mind has to be strong in knowing wat to do. The most important thing is your health. Die die must take care of your own health first. Dun really no3 wat to say le, the passion not here suddenly, cause i just went out to help my mother buy stuff n come back n rite,zzzz so i guess the drive of writing has gone~~ lolx..



Oh yeah Happy birthday RACHEL YIP LI TING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! feel like slapping me? too bad u cannot.. =) Cya soon

Morning..Thursday morning..Yawnz..

Wat a dream i had, Slp @ 2am n woke up at 7.30am.. I saw her in my dream, i seem so real, den suddenly i feel so lonely again..zzz..hate this kind of feeling sia.. neh neh.. Dream tat she feed me curry chicken, her mum was there 2..lolx... Yeah, den i i went back to slp again.. N guess wat? i dream of her again..lolx.. u all mind think i m freak? but seriously leh, dunnoe y keep appearing ba, lolx. maybe cause i think of her too much le ba den will keep appearing..Lolx.. Okie nvm. half way thru my 3rd slp, my spons call me... suppose to have a meeting at 12, he call me at 9.15.. wth.. Arh, there goes my slp... cannot get back to slp le, cause it is time to prepare for the meeting sia, feel so tired, damn it... HeartAche!!!!! lolx.. long day man, at nite have to help mother... Z_z can only come online around 11 plus or 12..lolx

What every u do? Pls Be remember to be careful, your mother is very worries for u. Shower more care n concern to her, speak nicely. That the only thing i can ask from u..thanx

The Resultz....

It was a hot topic in the morning n afternoon, until like 2pm den the conversation stop..haha.We are like crapping thru just to pass time to 1.30pm den our result is out, worst of all they delayed the time to like a few min lor.. scary..haha.. No worries to my result man, as u can se i m so hard working n so smart.. how can i feeel? rite? well, my gpa was like 2.982.. wth lor, they cannot just give me 3 to plea me? lolx.. okie nvm about it.. after getting result, all of us start thinking, more like panic u no3, *can we enter uni* to be honest, some of us cannot, as for me? i still got a little hope ba, my FYP 34 Credit, so if i can score tat, can pull me up to 3.4? it stand a chance for me. Suddenly i feel like studying Uni, dunnoe y.. Seem to have the urge, maybe the pple around me ba..haha.. Well tat is a good start..hee

The Emotional Part..Nite time..

When the sky start to turn dark, when the sun start to set, i seem to be a diff person..lolx.. This may be the last time i m saying this.. To my Frenz, u no3 who u r.. *to all the girls out there* Learn to be smart, learn to do the rite thing, dun be fool by just the cover n do thing stupidly, see wat u wan, guys r guys, all the same, all out there for 1 aim, some may not some maybe, when u enter a relationship, learn to see thing first, first 3 month is just honey mood, follow by 6month n 1 year.. when 1 year come thing seem to be diff, thing change, pple change, time change. Learn from the mistake u have recover, learn to stand up when u r down, learn to love yourself more, dun be too honest to your partner, sometime u may not no3 the other party well, they may make use of this to hurt u or harm u in return. not every1 is trustable.

Look at thing carefully.. U really have to, u r old enough to think for yourself. Take care of yourself, your mother 2, she is old le, talk to your sis more , she is a better advicer plus a person u can trust. She see thing more den u do. Dun show your temper so much, cool down at time, take a deep breath, in n out for 1 min to cool down. it works. Oh yeah take care of your health, Be smart. I guess u still dun have the courage to talk to me still, avoiding is wat u choose. Well, i dun hate u nor blame u nor accuse u for anything. It is your life!!! Wat i can say is thanx, thanx for this big slap tat wake me up, really, although it is a hurting slap, but yeah. i feel it is a lesson learn for me. Maybe i commited too much in this relationship le ba, i dun mean u dun commit much,haha but it just tat i put in too much hope, as a result of the outcome, i could not take it ba, 1 good thing is u break up with me, not the other way round, cause it make alot of diff.. i dun care wat others say, i dun care wat gonna happen, i only will believe n see in my own eyes. U 2, should learn to accept thing, your sister (swine, Libing,cheryl etc) they r your good frenz, they r the person u can trust n look up to, really, although their words r hard, but they mean good to u. u think i nv kana F by my own Bro b4? I did, n i wake up, i learn. U cannot just look at thing at 1 point of view. Wat i can say is, the sista out there r good.. they know u well, although at time abit kp, but ya they will be still there.. They mean good to u. Call them up n talk, maybe for now take a rest first. U r not tat ap rite? haha.. chill man..

For me? i still treat u as a frenz, a close 1 indeed, if u have any problem or wan some 1 to talk to, feel free to call, it okie with me.. I dunnoe u will still treat me as a frenz not, cause from wat i sms u so much, u dun seem to reply dun seem to ans.. It okie, i get your ans, i get wat u mean. Sry for bothering u..Feel like crying, but cannot sia..lolx.. tear r inside my heart. F the throat n stomach, it seem to be killing me.. Guess i need to stop smoking le..lolx.. Be careful, tat all i can say to u.. Hope u read this well..I guess there is nothing more for me to say le ba.. later u complain i naggy? lolx.. yeah.. The 9 long sms i sent u, plus the email i sent u, i mean it.. Believe in yourself, use your heart n brain to think, think which 1 u should use at time n which not to use.. dun always think the whole world r against u.. think how u can make the whole world happy? i think i talk too much le ba.. GONE- (may not post le) lolx.. shockinG?

Izzit a Trend now?

haiz, wat can i say.. pple around me r so emo nowaday. got a couple of good frenz, their relationship just ended, 1 still can tell me (u no3 wat not? my whole class all breakup with gf le lolx) zzzz... What wrong with every 1? tat include myself 2..Z_z oh yeah, saw a frenz nick, (can some1 tell me how to get her out of my head) i would like to say something about this frenz of my, he is quiet as usual, he has a cool face and attitude face indeed, but deep inside he is a kind soul, he dunnoe how to express his feeling to her, cause he nv being to a relationship b4, i dunnoe how the girl feel, i dun think she is playing with him. Yeah dude, forgetting 1 person is hard, but u no3 u can always be her guardian angel even both of u cannot be together, this may sound dramatic la, but it is true. Wait till thing happen den we speak out the truth, it is always like tat de. Damn it tml result is out, to be honest i m not afraid of the outcome, if i pass all, i m goin to bugis to pray with frenz. not really pray ba, more like pay a visit to the temple. 1.30pm.. i guess it will be flooded with pple, r u pple having slpless nite? lolx.. Tat all folk.. it is only 9.40pm.. Wat a day...

Morning!!

ARH!!! damn it so tired, woke up so early just to have High tea with my mother frenz.. Z_z well the daughter is so cute. haha her name is Nichang.. When she smell, she is able to melt your heart, i bet she will be very pretty in the future..kekeke.. seening my mother so happy just make me so sad, cause both nichang n the mother is leaving SG nxt week, my mother work for them for 7 year already. She love nichang alot, cause everytime when she work, she tend to sick to my mother instead of the own mother, wan her to carry around n play with her, feed her etc. Somehow i feel tat my mother will be very sad, it is like every 7 year 1 new family come n the other 1 go. Haha.. We order alot n yeah i almost cannot finish, feel like puking..lolx.. just got home only. kind of tired. kind of miss her.. Well i dream on her yesterday nite, we were at a shop and she was eating cake, i asked her alot of stuff, and she nv ans me.. i seem to be the pestering her about question..lolx yeah.. Here r 2 photo i took.. this is how Nichang look...Kawaiyi..

She is cute rite? Miss this kid 2 man..

What a nite..

It first started out with a blue morning.. N ended up with a sad n hurting nite..

The day was fine, watching tv with grandma, she was telling me the story n so & so.. i did some work out n till like 5plus when kuma call for dinner.. It has being a long time since we come katong, well i guess more pple no3 wat katong is favour for rite? Laksha lor... Yeah we sit down n talk n eat, Damn it, as usual i was late, n i have to pay for their meal..zZzzZZz.. Nvm it okie.. Den we head down to Parkway, wanted to play a pool but mok dun wanna, so we end up doing nothing, basically was just walking around. As we walk, suddenly something hit my mind, a song, it is a song tat i n her heard during the train ride, damn it i wanted to type it out but somehow i forgotten,fuck.. yeah, suddenly picture start to flash up, it was like the moment i n her in the train n wat happen during tat day. I Miss Her, i gotta admit. My mood was like 360degree change, changing to some1 very quiet. I dunnoe how is she, i dunnoe how is she doing,
whether is she fine?
is she having stress still?
did she skip her lunch cause her work was too bz?
did she cried because she left me?
did she regret?
is there any chances for us?
is she still having glastric?
will she still smile?
has she tot of me?
has she miss me?
does she still love me?
wat i m i now in her heart?
does her heartbreak?
hows her sch work?
did she study? cause her exam r next week!

So many thing yet i have no ans to it. I could not stop thinking suddenly. i feel so blank, IMF is here, she must be bz. Tml she is sching. My world still have her. wat can i do? I feel so cold, so lonely suddenly, no mood to do anything, feel like calling her n ask her all those question. This hr she is asleep, tml she has work. so better not disturb. MSN is down. Sunday is her bday. i really hate this feeling, it being a long time ever since i have this feeling, it was like 4 year ago since i hate this feeling, but this time is much more diff, the pain is like losing some1 in the world, it is like tat some 1 is gone n u have got no chance to see her. The more u wanna protect her, the worst u get, cause u end up hurting yourself the most. Pple say move on, yeah true, but when it is your turn, it is hard to move on. I guess it is another slpless nite again.

I hope u r fine. Tell me the truth when the time come, i just wanna no3 it. Just so many thing happen, 1 after another. Take care of yourself, do see a doctor if u r not well, u r not as strong as u think, med may be bitter but it will help as time goes by. How your mum? is she still fine? haiz..sigh.. Look on the bright side henry!!!! Z_z bored, omg my throat was like f, n i still smoke.. zzzz.. The pain in the throat is nothing to the heart.. SIGH.......................................... Feel much more better after blogging... yeah... Cya denz..

DO U NO3 I M VERY WORRY ABOUT U... MISSES U MAN, E HUG, THE 1 LINE SMILE, THE ROUND N CUBBY SIDE OF U, JUST ANYTHING. SRY, I REALISE MY MISTAKE, MY MISTAKE OF GIVING U EMPTY PROMISES, PROMISES TAT I BROKE, PROMISES TAT NV SEEN TO BE APPEARING. I M JUST A LIAR... BUT I NV LIAR TO U THIS, MY FEELING FOR U R TRUE, N YEAH TILL U DROP ME. WHICH I DUN THINK U HAVE!! R U WAITING FOR ME? SIGH............................................

Just For You.

The night fall, the pain crawl, the missing pieces in me, is still unsolve..
The day shine, the loneliness fly, dreams are all a lie..
Day goes by, my tears run dry, how m i suppose to survive.
Time fly, like a butterfly, it sybolize our life.
Our love life, is so hard to find, truth are offen a lie.
I choose to believe in your eye, no matter wat other imply.
Hiding the truth is never right, i wish we never had a fight.
Dreaming of u make me cried, lighting another stick is my choice.
Tears glow, as the wind flow, how m i gonna end this blow.
Love is blind, so m i, blinded by u which i dun mind.

Here is another 1 from my beloved sis (Tess - http://tiototo.blogspot.com/)

Tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haiz, so tired today, slept at 5.30am n wake up at 12noon just to eat breakfast, erm could not really slp man, dunnoe why also... Wah toay damn bz sia, zzzz.. all the way i was helping my mother, she is so demanding...LOLx, kidding la she is not..
At first she ask me to cut the veg, follow by wash the veg, den follow by washing den fans and the last was to cook the dinner..LOL.. omg i was ZzzzzZz.. nah it okie to help her n i love to help her..lolx but after cooking the dinner i went to take a short nap, n woke up around 6plus n gone for dinner, leaving my com on... N now watching tv.. so bored

Arh! wanted to post alot of shit but somehow lost the mood man..lolx.. Oh yeah.. 3 more days to go b4 my result is out.. omg i really hate tat man. hopefully can score a GPA of 3..Lolx tat is like dreaming la.. arh damn, suddenly feel so bored, feel like calling some 1 up to talk cock, feel like slping.

Something seem to be wrong here, my throat seem to be giving me problem, since yesterday, something like stuck in my throat, izzit cause i smoke too much? lolx i feel pain when i swallow my saliva.. damn it dunnoe wat up the throat man..lolx

Suddenly time seem to be so short, no longer the long hr n so. I dunnoe y i feel tat way, there seem to be so many thing for me to do, n i just started doing.. Monday blue n tml it is. 2 week more n i will start sch. cannot wait for tat to happen, to keep myself bz..

Izzit a GAY nite? or A lonely bro nite?

hahaha..it started like tat... Jem call me n told me he is BORED...n i asked him y r u so bored? nv call michelle?

Jem said " Nah we just had a misunderstand, r u free? let go for dinner"

Hen said " of cos free la, single not free den wat? rot huh? lolx"

so we met up at bugis n had our batuk teh ( i hope i nv spell wrongly), well it was nice, the soup the meat n most of all the Yu tiao..hahaha.. After a meal, a smoke is always needed.. hee.. nothing new.

Jem said "sianz leh, where u wanna go? i feel like goin sheeesha..."

Hen said " anything la, i also bored, i dun mind sheesha also leh"

Jem said " arh bo let go watch movie la. have u watch little man?"

Hen said " wah u sure? like gay leh we all? gay nite tonite huh? lolx.. anything lor"

so we decided to catch a movie n THANX to my idea, we walked from bugis to CAthay..Lolx..

Jem said " cb la, we missed the show like 10min ago?"

Hen said " fuck la jem, who ask u so fat walk so slow, still complain, smoke some more la."

Jem said " u Kp some more. thanx to u we walked so far n i m fucking perspiring.."

Hen said " Lolx "

so we decided to walk to ps to see. but GOD no3, we r so unlucky, all the ticket avialable is like 11.40 or 1plus.. At tat time it was like 10pm.. so we r kind of stuck there.

Jem said "Nb let go starbuck see got kopi to drink not"

Hahahaha... really freaking sua, starbuck was full n the worst part is we could not find the smoking table..zzzz.. so we ended up talking cock at the some kuku place.. i was wearing half format, n he was wearing like long plus pants.. so pple tend to misunderstood us as "Ah beng"
Jem told me a joke n i wish to share with u all, but i think must real life say den nicer..lolx..

Here how it goes, there is this japanese guy who went to malaysia n took a cab, as he was in the cab he was complaining all the way about how slow proton is.....

Looking at the Honda passing by the the proton. the japanese guy " See la, honda faster den proton, see japanese car so fast, unlike malaysia car"

den another toyota passed, " see another japanese car so fast, unlike this old proton, malaysia car cannot make it"

The driven kept quiet till they reach the airport.
The Japanese guy was shock at the price he have to pay for the cab fair n question the driver..
N guess wat the driver reply " this meter is from sony, very fast also"

get the jokE? i think some of u may feel cold..lolx but who cares..hahaha.. oh anyway thanx cie pple for the cab. n thanx jem... aahah enjoy talking to u man gay buddy so long nv come out like tat le..lolx.. miss u 2..tc

PLS!

Pls, i dun write emo stuff just to make u all piss or crap, like i say, i only write how i feel. i saw your blog (LB) =).. i no3 how u feel, dun really need to bother about me, thanx, i m living very good, with frenz n family support yeah, life cannot be better den this. Thanx anyway....

Oh yeah, yesterday went SENTOSA...lolx nv write cause too tired man, n also my bro using the com..zzzzz.. haha, well sentosa really can help u to distress man, lolx, was having fun thru out, did think of thing ya but nothing wrong la.. Went with the CIE pple, cooL, it was hell alot of frenz, played soccer, volley ball, n capt ball.. n guess wat? i lost all the matches...LOL.. sad leh. but nvm did enjoy.. yeah!! They r ASSHOLE, they all buck up n throw me to the sea, it was like part of my bday celebration 2 ( they did video cam but i dun think i can post here).. LOl... after sentosa we head down to PS!!!!! i also dunnoe y, go there for DInnER.. zzz... we went to eat swensen!!!!!! n yeah tat really pissed me off... 1 wanted to order cra fish pasta, den tat cock aaron order 2, i decided to drop tat order n order FISh baked rice, n guess wat? diana order tat 2, worst of all, i wan to order strawberry milkshake (hmmmm) and she order milkshake 2.. ZZZZZZ forget it.. oh yeah she tot i stupid.. she was whispering to Yong qi about buying cake n yeah they bought a ice cream chocolate cookie cake for me..WHoOoHOoHOo.. and she was an asshole 2.. really 1 big time, she purposely put the happy birthday tag into the cake plus candle.. n ask me to pick it up with my mouth.. den ask u no3 when u pick it up with your MOUTH. pple tend to push your head down.. zzzzz... But the best part is when they sing the birthday song tat time, every1 around me (whom i dunnoe) started singing 2...lolx.. *so shy* hahaha THANX CIE FOLK, i love it.. haha..

Yeah den we took some photo here n there.. Aaron as usual an asshole, use my hp take his LJ bin..lolx... plus he took diana n cheryl photo 2 using my hp. n set as wallpaper.. -.-" nvm tat wallpaper really make me smile, cause both of them smile seem so fake, my brother saw the photo n say Y tat cheryl so fat. oPs.. hahahaha.. lucky i nv give her my blog, if not she chop me.. haha.. N my bro say diana pretty...Lolx.. Crap man he.. It was a fun trip n nice dinner, they entertained my day, if not i dunnoe how to spent my time... haha, suppose to meet a frenz to have dinner today, but yeah saying tired n dun wanna meet n i asking can accompany me, dunnoe izzit any excuse or wat. asking about whether is it avoiding thing? there seem to be no reply at all, i was clueless n very concern about it. but yes so wat if i m, if my tat frenz dun bother. haha.. Goin to same same ( a.k.a Jem) for dinner at bugis, oh yeah pple calvin left Sg le, went for a holiday, haha, tat lazy kuma ask him come down say he tired wan ask to go his place.. kns.. wah lol my mp3 suddenly play this song, drive my self crazy... Lolx.. nice song.. waiting for the song to finish b4 i end this..lolx..

I lie awake. I drive myself crazy. Drive myself crazy Thinking of you. Made a mistake. When I let you go baby. I drive myself crazy. Wanting you the way that I do.
Oh anyone wanan go K-box? pm me or call me.. i wanna go sia.. lolx..
btw the last word i heard from my frenz was (believe me). I do..

i will like to correct this, i no3 i hate u alot at tat time n it is very hard for u to overcome it. Sry. to ( i no3 u hate me alot at tat time ( i 2 time) n it is very hard for u to overcome it. Sry.

One Last Time

B4 i start this, no hard feeling, no siding, no sympathy and just nothing, just heard, dun give comment, keep it to yourself. if u wanna say anything call me. I dunnoe m i rite to post this.

I find myself very irritating, i seem to keep bothering her, sms her, show her care, show concern, i seem to be missing the sms, when i receive an sms, i hope is her, chances r 50 -50. Although i tell myself, i cannot sms, no i cannot, dun disturb pple, pple is working. nevertheless i still did, i just wanna no3 is she okie? everything is fine, anything goes wrong in work, anybody disturb u n her health, yeah tat all i wanna no3. Well she did reply, which make me wanna sms more. ha.. We remain as good frenz, we did contact. if u r reading this, U r not hurting me so dun get the wrong idea. I m just hurting myself, cause i m the 1 who cannot give up. it is not your fault n STOP BLAMING yourself for all the fault u make, every1 make mistake, so did i, i hate my ugly pass and the silly,stupidly fuck up thing i did to u ( i dare to admit i 2 time cause i m stupid), i really hate myself for tat, i told myself not to do so, cause i dun wanna follow my fuck up father foot step, he smsed me on my bday, n i nv replied him at all. i dun wanna replied cause i m afraid tat the more he speak to me about himself n how he is suffering the more i will be softhearted toward him. i no3 i hate u alot at tat time n it is very hard for u to overcome it. Sry.

I m saying again i m not trying to get sympathy or anything. i just wanna express this last feeling n tat all. no more emo thing le ba. it make me feel better by expressing it, i m still getting myself up. dun need to tell me how u feel, if not i will regret. All the memories seem to flashing back now, each photo just tell how lovely we r b4, each has it own meaning and name for it. i will not deleted it n will be stored. I just wanna thanx u for everything u have done for me, our 1 year dinner, the food tat u cook, the stuff tat u make, watever u did, bite me, beat me, pitch me.. yeah basically just everything, thanx.. N i hope u will forgive me for the ugly side of me. i guess u no3 wat izzit. haha.. I really hate the coldness u gave me, maybe u nv realise. but i do.

how i wish i could post my chat log with aaron.. but i can't... nvm..cya pple.. Does fate play us apart? or just us? sry if i make u cry again.. i always make u cry de.. sry sry..


Photo does not lie about the happiness in us..
Whether will we be like this again, tat i dunnoe..
Take care
I love n misses u..

For tat Lazy girl who wan to no3 this song n lazy to find the Lyrics...........

"Where Are You"(feat. Justin Roman)
(I know you are out there baby...somewhere)There is someone out there for me (I know there is somebody out there)I know she is waiting so patiently (yeah) can you tell me her name? (Somebody tell me her name)This life-long search is gonna drive me insaneHow does she laugh? How does she cry? What's the color of her eyes?Does she even realize I'm here?Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada (where are you?)

Natalie]
I'm staring out at the sky (I see you baby)Praying that he will walk in my lifeWhere is the man of my dreams (right here) yea-yeahI'll wait forever, how silly it seemsHow does he laugh? How does he cry? What's the color of his eyes?Does he even realize I'm here?Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada (where are you?)

[Justin]
There is someone out there for me (there is someone out there for me)I know she is waiting so patiently (so patient)Can you tell me her name (can you tell me his name)This life-long search is gonna drive me insane (that's right)

[Natalie]How does he laugh? How does he cry? What is the color of his eyes?Does he even realize I'm here?

[Justin]Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?

[Natalie]Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?

[Justin Talking]Where are you?? I'm going to look all over the world baby'Cuz I know you are out thereI know this might sound crazy, but I think I love youdadadadadada (that's right) dadadada dadadadadadadadadadadada dadadada (yeah) dadadadadada

Birthday Celebration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahaha.. yeah.. ops yesterday i went out too late till too tired to write any blog, i no3 u guy r waiting for my blog..hoHo.. Oh ya, yesterday afternoon, i went out with this girl, she asked me out to celebrate my bday, so sweet of her, hahaha.. yeah we went to resturant to eat n guess wat she treated me =X.. feel so ps girl treating guy..hahaha, goin out with this girl, help me to eradicate my feeling. wanted to catch a movie with her, but there dun seem to be a nice movie at all so we decided to go acrade to distress..wahahaha..After tat, we went to esplanade to take a stroll.

She told me, (My frenz dun not believe me, they think tat i broke up with my bf cause of another guy, cause now i m working, those guy out there are rich n can effort anything, so wat, i dun even wanna no3 them, i no3 they are flirt, married man n wat they wan in me. i no3 who is good who is bad. But i m just hurt tat my BEST fren saying such a thing to me, make me feel like as thou i m a slut or bitch, cannot they understand how i feel, y i choose to leave him, y m i doing this, i m not trying to act noble or anything, i feel by doing this he will realise something. I dunnoe who to trust now, my close sister r all like tat, i dun have a listening ear, i wanan express my feeling but i can't, i feel very hurt to heard words from pple cause tat not wat i m really m.) From wat i heard from her, and her expression, i can see tear coming out of her eyes as she talk, but she seem to be controlling her tears. Even as a frenz point of view, i understand how she feel n believe in her.

Conclusion!!!!!!! Pple tend to pass down the wrong message thru words, 1 after another. Tat normal. but if some1 is really your good frenz or your buddy buddy, i m not saying u must choose to believe them, listen to them, no matter wat went wrong,no matter who is in the wrong, tell them wat wrong n wat rite, give them your opinion (even u heard thing from pple). the most impt thing is control your TONE, dun shout dun fierce, just be who u r when u all talk, dun accuse thing dun assume thing. yeah tat all i wanna say. i hope tat frenz of my is okie, i pray her frenz understand her and no3 wat she is doing instead of assuming stuff, i also hope she is able to express more toward her frenz instead of keeping it in the dark.

Well girl, time will tell whether wat u doing is worth it. Maybe fate play u n him apart, maybe both of have to go thru thing b4 both of u can be together. well i hope u r okie and dun think so much, u r a good girl, your name will be clear soon. haha.. Oh yeah, 1 more thing, thanx for the bday man, i really love it..shhh dun tell other pple about my express when we talk..haha.. Meet up soon, maybe by den thing r back on track. cya. tc enjoy your DND tonite.. pretty girl..!!! Hugz

WAHAHAHAA.....

Ops... finally i found the sound i waited for 1 week? lolx.. old song i guess. yes it is playing in my blog now..Hoho.. thanx to ben who drove me out den the song was playing on air, and dom for helping me to dl..hoHo.. Oh ya, thanx ben for the slap, although both of us did get a slap..LOL.. but really thanx alot, u enlighten me with words, but some of yours words does not apply, yeah u have to correct it. well diff pple have diff view, diff pple have diff way of working thru their life, yours is unique haha.. oh btw, u really have change alot gay buddy, u seem like a diff person i no3, really, i m happy u can think this way. i use to slap u with words, words tat i do mean it but i nv take an effort to do, like u say, wat the point of saying when u nv do, hey dun have to shout when talking to me, talk nicely, hahaha. i bet u must be cursing n swearing now.... ihahaha. anyway yesterday was spooky, i felt something around me, yeah, u must be thinking &#$# y must u tell me ..haha really sia, i was cold n something seem to be around us when u driving..LOl.. u better put something in your car sia.. really.. yeah. WhoOOohoOoo this song just rox man, b4 this song was What m i to u, no more emo song, no more blog, i guess so..hahaha.. cheerr it is my bday, those who haven wish me better sms me b4 12...hahaha

She Just Make Me Smile. It has being 5 days n counting.

Oh sry about the emo part yesterday, yesterday was kind of down man, went to suntec with kuma calvin cheryl n mok, as we were eating at Fish & Co, this song played 3 time, i dunnoe which asshole delicated tat song, but it was nice, all the song they play were so emo, especially song from 98.7fm.. I guess all of u r guess the song ba, (Bad day) that the song, really not my day man.. haha

Was writing the blog yesterday till like 1plus 2, yeah, den i felt asleep. Maybe i was thinking too much, maybe i m not, suddenly i woke up at 5 am, den i rush to close all the window cause it is raining very heavy. den suddenly something strike my mind, she is coming down to work n it is raining so heavly will she catch a colD? so i hurry sms her and was waiting for her reply, and YES, lolx she did reply and we talk so much.. wee.. suddenly i start coughing den my mother ask me, did u smoke again? lolx i say ya abit la.. den she was like pssstz... ops make her worried again..lolx.. some 1 is also worried 2, haha..

I could not slp, maybe it is due to the cough ba, so i decided to just keep smsing, as i sms i feel like blogging, this sound crazy this is the first time i blog n i m so crazy over it, i feel i m able to express myself here ba, haha, i also can express myself outside 2. Yeah i started my day with a smile in my heart, den i felt asleep at 8 n woke up at 11. i went to see a doctor, something wrong with my stomach,haha, doctor nv say anything, just ask me dun so emo n dun eat..LOL.. but yeah nothing much la.

It was 1pm, i was late for the meeting, suppose to meet my grp member at 12noon at bugis to do our FYP, haha, target for fyp, i set to go to the media, com'on Old sCh we can do it.. haha. I will bring my team up. Well i think they need me, haha, cause b4 i come they only write abit only, den once i come, all kind of idea also come out le, tat just show tat with a good leader around, have no fear.haha yeah.. i guess there is a long way more, i have to wait for Jack our spons to come back from russia, he seem so freaking bz. lolx. we actually dun really no3 wat he wan. so we have to wait n see..haha.

After the meeting, we went to shop, shop for kyle present. yeah cause his japanese fernz came over n he wanna get something for them. haha all of them in the grp no3 wat happen to me, cause kyle accidently something about her, so i just say we broke up, every1 is in shock!! i told them wat happen and they just keep quiet. ops accidently bring the morale down..lolx. we shop till 4.30 n all went seperate ways. i went hm as there is nothing else for me to do. haha. diana did ask me follow her, but i told her u with all your girl frenz and i will be left out, so i decided not go. she was just concern, yeah no double meaning or reason, so dun get the wrong idea.

Ah lian ah lian, suddenly call me, hey go cut hair together. lolx. he all the way from pasir ris come down just to cut hair..lolx. cool huh, so i went to cut my hair too, wah look so short now, much more handsome i guess.lolx. Oh guys, tml is my bday, all of u no3 rite? den u all no3 wat to do rite? hahaha. where my present? Well, i guess my best present this year is the ADIDAS watch. ops, i think my bro gonna get angry, he will sure say so my SUPERMAN boxer not nice la..lolx..

2 hr more n my bday will come, i dunnoe why she still love to avoid question i ask, sry for keep asking, if u dun wanna ans is okie. but dun show ap k? i no3 my words also not very nice, yeah sry about tat man..haha. Tml will be a brand new day, although we have gone diff way n remain as frenz.

Just wanna tell u this, u say i rely on u too much, but i just got 1 thing to tell u, i won the pdd2 ($500) not for u, it is for my own n my grp, cause we r the underdog, i just wanna let u see i have the ability to do so. saying about i rely on u, i find tat u rely on me 2. can u over come tat? or cause u scare u rely on me too much n u cannot let go, tat y u give up first. i still dunnoe wat u really wanna. will time prove us something? The feeling of losing some1 just make me ache. okie enough of the emo crap, i wanna turn myself to pretty boy look..lolx.. can i? i will give it a try..hahaha yeah.. wish me happy bday and all the best. maybe i will post 1 at late nite? haha ben wanna meet me, my gay buddy.hahaaha.. or wait for tml for more news...muack cya pple.. thanx.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

wee it my bday..thanx pple.. thanx sp pple for smsing me n yeah all the encouragement, thanx my st pats bro for all the effort u pple make at the BBQ, although something happen but yeah i love it.. Well i just cut my cake n i m 20 this year.. need to think alot more, yes 20 no more teen man..hahaha..

Ops i was touch by my family warming cake n i cry again..hahahaha... yeah. the cake was nice n yupz the celebration was warm although there is only like 4 of us..haha.. LOVE U MUM, LOVE U BRO, LOVE U SIS always... Nite pple.. i m goin out.. hahah tc..

It has being 3 days.. 3 days just pass this way.. My relationship with her just ended like tat.. I cannot face it, really i cannot. It very hard for me to even stand up now. i know my bro, frenz and family out there r supporting me. i dun wish to disappoint them or even see in me in this stat. I really hate it. I m really sry guys and thanx for everything, u guys do all kind of crap just to make me smile. I really appreciate it alot. But when Nite come, my mood seem to be diff, i m lost again, i dunnoe wat to do, i no3 i need to bring myself up but i really need time.

I guess i have fallen too deep this time. All my hope and dream seem to be shattered. I seem lost, i could not find my soul, cause my soul is stolen. My heart seem to be in broken pieces, i dunnoe wat rite wat wrong. Everything seem to be so blank? Even till now. Although i have set my goal and now wat to do, i m still not sure i m able to do it. i need to over come all this. I dunnoe why,how,what wrong with the both of us. Everything seem so fine, till friday. I could not slp, eat or do anything, all i can do is just smoke. The pain in my heart just so strong, my mind just keep flashing n flashing of the past thing we did. Everywhere i go there is a memory of me and her, i dunnoe wat to do, i dun wanna step out of the house, i really dun wanna. Marina has the most memories of all. None of the food i eat taste as nice as b4, i know i need to eat but everytime i eat i seem to be vomiting it out after a few min. wat wrong with me? can any1 tell me? do i need to see a doctor?

She does not wan to give me the real reason, i dunnoe y 2. But i choose to believe her, i believe in wat she say, wat she do. U all may say i stupid, but i no3 wat i m doing. I m writing this not to get her to pity me or wat. i just wanna write out how i feel, everytime i tell pple how i feel, i could not control myself to tear out. When will my tear dry up? i dunnoe it is hard to ans.

I was thinking wat m i gonna do on saturday? I m too use to the sticky lovely rachel on my side, saturday is the only moment i spent with her till nite, although the journey home was long, but who care, i enjoy sending her back. Beside saturday, tuesday nite friday nite, we r suppose to have dinner together and i will sent her to sch. But now.. All is gone! gone! nothing have left. only me myself and i. I miss her smile (her eyes will be very small like 1 striaght line and 2 front teeth). I miss everything in her. She told me she is doing this for my own good, but why must we be so drama? why? can i really live without her? or should i try? i dunnoe. i hate nite time, there the time where i become more emo. alot of flash black seem to come across, i wan to slp but i cannot, cause my head just cannot stop thinking and my heart just cannot stop aching..

I m just so afraid to see saturday coming.. moreover my bday is coming, 6sep. is she gonna celebrate for me? is she? i really hope she do. can tat be my last wish? i know my bro n sis out there wanna celebrate for me, but i just 1 person, just 1 will do. i really hope time will stop on tuesday n just skip on wednesday, i just have a feeling she will not celebrate with me, is not cause she dun wanna celebrate with me, cause she is afraid to see me, the down side of me, the ugly side of me. It is already 12 now. 1 more day to my bday.. i realy afraid to see the outcome.
how m i suppose to slp, tml she is goin sch, m i gonna fetch her? i wan to. but i dun think she wanna, i wanna have a dinner with her. but i dunnoe she wan not. we did talk yesterday i was so happy, i no3 she is sad, i can feel it, i can feel she is crying out when she is doing this to me. i dunnoe why must she do this. i need to wake up my idea. i guess the first step i have to do is to plan for my future, the step tat i have to take. maybe i should stop gaming? ha..

Rachel, i dunnoe wat u doing is rite not? but i choose to believe in u. i will like to let u no3 tat i will achive thing for myself, and i m goin ns soon ba. maybe it is the rite time for us to leave, u dun wanna tell me your truth feeling, but i can feel u r in the same stat as me. i just feel it. u r just acting cold to me, but deep inside u dun wan to. maybe we can work thing out together without goin diff direction? but i still respect your decision. N pls stop pushing me to other people, i dun like tat. i have eyes to see wat kind of girl i need. If u need a shoulder, any1 to talk to, feel lonely or anything, feel free to call me or drop me a sms, i will be more den happy to ans. i will take care of u till u have found some1 better, den i will just walk away. dun worry about me, worried more about your health. Remember to take care wor, eat your lunch dinner n so n so.. dun later glastric.. i no3 i did sms u today. sry i should not have. maybe i should really stop smsing u.. i dunnoe how will u feel. but u seem to wanna play cold. alrite enough of all this emo thing. nite pple.. thanx for listening me crapping.. alot of spelling error ba..

One last word.. ha, I still love u, miss u, everything in u. hee hugz n kisses.